I am delighted to welcome Guest Blogger, Dating Coach Andrea Hill from The Dinner Party. Andrea has some great insight on the world of internet dating that will no doubt help you if you are looking to find the one!
The world of online dating can be a real dance. There has been a lot of discussion lately with some new partners deciding to go cheek to cheek, POF was just purchased by dating powerhouse company, the Match Group. A $575 million dollar sale, the internal hack job at AshleyMadison (hello karma) and with many dating sites residing under the same roof (Chemistry.com, Tinder, Match, OKCupid and now POF are all owned by the same company), online dating seems to be the hot topic of conversation.
Online dating comes up often with clients. As a dating coach, other than the dinners I host, my business is to help clients navigate their way successfully through the dating world by providing actionable guidance and consulting support. This can involve me reviewing your online dating profile(s) – diversity of strategic sites can be key. I strongly believe that competence, and confidence will take you far in finding a great relationship, but one without the other can leave you flailing and frustrated.
Let’s talk then about how online dating can be a marvelous tool in your dating tool kit, if used well. I liken online dating to that of a social dance – with A LOT of people in attendance. Unfortunately, not everyone is showing up looking their best, many pretend to be something they are not, or are perfectly content to just fill their dance card and talk to you all night long, with no intention of ever taking a trip around the dance floor.
So, how can you find the best dance partners? A savvy profile is a great place to start, and can have you maximizing your quality time and ‘dancing’ with the right people.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. *lean in
Do these two things while online dating, and you will have a WAY better chance of tripping the light fantastic, right off the dance floor and into a great relationship…
#1 -TRANSPARENCY – Complete and full transparency will get you an individual that loves you for YOU. Full stop.
I am disheartened to see how many people are dishonest about who they are online. This stretching of the truth or blatant fabrication about themselves originates from a place of insecurity and self doubt. If you are currently guilty of this – STOP dating immediately, and instead take some time to work on your relationship with your fabulous self (yes, I said fabulous).
To speak plainly… if you are looking to get married, say so.
If you have children, say so.
State your age, height, profession – accurately. Don’t make concessions for them, you are perfect the way you are (did you know that there is no one else like you on this planet? That’s some seriously special stuff). Which leads me to pictures! They should be current. This means taken within the last 6 months, longest – 1 year.
Complete transparency is incredibly freeing, it will relieve you of any feelings of anxiety, fear and guilt (yippee, nothing to hide!!), it will bolster your confidence and starts any relationship off on the right foot – authentically.
When you are completely transparent, people can see YOU.
#2 – CLARITY – Very simply, in order to attract the kind of partner you want in your life, and have the relationship you desire, you must be clear on what you want.
Now, I’m not talking about a ‘list’ per se. Your tall, dark and handsome or looks like Jennifer Anniston criteria might need to be flexible, but what you want your relationship to look like, feel like, and what you want your romantic partner to embody should be crystal clear. Otherwise, you will get lost in a sea of I‘m not sure complacency or worse, the grass is greener thinking.
When you are clear, you can recognize awesome when it comes along, and the distraction of packaging will fall to the wayside.
When you are clear about who you are and what you want in your profile, those people start showing up.
Good-bye tire kickers!
General statements, result in general results. Let’s not forget – like attracts like, soooooo, if your profile is ho hum, that is exactly who will show up – unsure ho-hummers.
Be detailed, let your personality flag fly and state clearly what is important to you, right out there, for all to see, and not in the fine print of internal thinking.
So, let’s stop talking about online dating, and instead get it working for you. Dust off those dancing shoes, be transparent, be open and be clear – announce what you are looking for in a ‘dance partner’, politely decline those that don’t move to the same beat as you, and be prepared to dance the night away with the one that does.
I have had a love affair with love, since I can remember. I am a card carrying romantic, and have been studying and writing about the dynamics of the romantic relationship for years. I myself have been married, divorced, had more dates than I care to mention, and have also been blessed with some really special relationships along the way. All of these experiences have been my biggest teacher.
Having someone to love, is one of life’s greatest gifts. Sometimes receiving such a gift can misfire, or those involved aren’t always speaking the same language. Sometimes, you are having a hard time finding someone to even miscommunicate with! I made the decision, that instead of joining the frustrated masses, that I would help create opportunity and be a leader in promoting positive change. Be the change you want to see in the world, right?
In my own journey to find love I have encountered others on the same path, so I started asking questions. It was then that I began hearing the same concerns from both the male, and female camps, that I decided to delve further and really discover what it’s all about. I have interviewed people from small towns, to large cosmopolitan cities around the world, and the one thing we all have in common is the desire to love, and be loved. I have now made it my mission to help people do just that, successfully.
Professionally speaking, I have been in the relationship ‘business’ my entire life. Human connection is truly what makes the world go ’round. My experience runs the gamut – teaching etiquette and deportment classes, delving into life and relationship reflection, running teams through exercises on how to become rockstar communicators and relationship champions. It has all brought me here, to follow my passion and help others connect to theirs, romantically.
Learn more at The Dinner Party.